Saturday, March 12, 2011

after more than 4 years

i was in the car with mom when the radio tuned her childhood song, something related to merdeka, i never heard it before, but mom sang the entire song. amazed, i was. since she never sing songs other than sudirman and m. nasir in front of me. but then she waved her hand when it comes to the part where there's only music (i don't know what the part is called) she wave it again and again, and i realized i've seen someone waving his hand like mom did while listening to his favourite song, while driving. after awhile, mom asked me, do you remember who always do this?(while waving her hand), after a moment of thinking, i only realized that the wave, is my dad's wave. he loved to wave his hand whenever he listened to his favourite song, while driving.

and i asked myself, what just happened? did you just forgot how your late father react when he listen to his favourite song?
i blame myself over, and over again. i do not want to erase my dad from my memory. i want them to stay in my memory, my entire life.i want my future kids to know who their granpa was.

after that, mom took me to see mak yong. it's been awhile since i met mak yong, the last time i saw her was during kak yong's wedding which is like.. 2 years ago. it's kinda odd not to see your relative eventhough you live like 5 minutes away. so we went to see mak yong to invite her family to our kenduri tomorrow. so there she was sitting with pak yeop. pak yeop was a diplomat. he worked in LA like 20+ years back. i respect him very much when i was a kid. he's the one with loads of story to tell, he travelled to almost the whole world. he's retired now. and he's having Alzheimer. 4 years back, he still remember me, he still with his travel stories he didn't get bored to tell us. but now, he didn't recognise me. he didn't even know who Leh(my dad's nickname) was, he didn't recognise his own kids, and the most sad thing is, sometimes, he call his wife,ibu and he call his mom, as opah. it's pity to see him that way. he asked 'where do you live' about 10 times. he went upstairs saying he wanted to drink, but then he went straight down, asking me again where do i live. i do miss the full-of-stories pak yeop. all i can do now is to pray for his health, and keep telling him, i am your niece, anak Leh.

Today, my little brother went to Edu fair with his friends, to get inspired, he said. My little brother is not that little anymore, he's going to be 17 this may. and he's gonna learn how to drive soon, and then he'll be taking his SPM, and later, college. oh how fast the time flies. i feel like only yesterday we put him in the laundry basket when he was soooo kecil and so cute! now he has grown :')

and today, mak asked me to get rid some of arwah ayah's kain pelikats. i was abit emotional when i was forced to do that. i smelled the kain pelikat before i give it to my mom. daddy's smell is not there anymore.Being daddy's little girl, i miss having him taking me and round the entire bangi at night, and i miss his snore during sleep.

apa sebenarnya yang aku nak sampaikan?
i also don't know. maybe i'm writing this just for the sake of updating the blog, or maybe i just realised that things changed in these 4 years and how fast the time flies, or maybe i just miss my dad, or maybe i am having my emotional moment because i am going back to egypt this friday.

ps: my heart goes to those who are affected by the tsunami and earthquake in Japan, Russia,Phillipines and Indonesia. May Allah bless you.
This is the way God telling us to repent. May Allah give us enough time to repent, as we (especially me) have neglected him for so long. the time is near, and the world is getting old.

Our Lord! Let not our hearts deviate from the truth after You have guided us, and bestow upon us mercy from Your grace. Verily You are the Giver of bounties without measure. (3:8)

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