Thursday, June 18, 2009

merdeka :)

saya sudah merdeka..

after more than 2 months of exams, i am finally free!

and here are a couple of videos to show how relieved we were.

ok i'm akward in videos.that's why nadia is the one introducing me.huhu

and this is nadia, and that is nile river.

say hello to endless movies to catch and novels to read :)

but i got myself super bored because i was the only one who had finished the final exam in the house.
so i went to fifek's last night and i find myself in love with this little thing..
meet tinkerbell a.k.a gedek a.k.a mokku.

fifek and i did some music videos marathon the whole night since she said i was sooo outdated.hey,blame the location of my house which is farrr away from the community, and the internet which made you pay like sky high genih but the quality of it was like... double thumbs down!

1 week the internet is ok..
the next week,totally no internet..
end of the month..laju gila la pula internet ni..

which made us think twice when we say.. 'taknak amek la internet bulan depan'.

but i didn't subscribe the internet for this month due to:
1. no money la,have to save some for the souvenirs.
2. the JPA money is just not enough.
3. mommy wants her money back for this year's tuition fees.
4. have to save due to no 4.
5. yeah refering to no 1, i am going back to Malaysia this year :)
6. let's just say i am totally saving the money till i didn't touch nasi for 2 weeks already because we didn't cook already due to the business of the housemates,and buying nasi from either GMN or NUSANTARA is just too pricey. i prefer to have bread.(man,it sounds too pathetic)

thus,i would like to thank the dear housemates for letting me using their internet. :)

sankiu sankiu sankiu.

Well orang tua tua said setiap kegembiraan pasti ada kesedihan.

if you happened to read the newspaper, or even watch the news,you would probably hear about a cairo medicine student who had passed away over an horrible car accident.
i did not know him but the news about him passing away really saddened the whole egypt.
as far as i read in others blogs he was a great man and a man who is deserved a place in jannah.
may Allah blesses his soul.

Al-Fatihah to Muhammad Ammar Zulkifli.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

the episode that brings back memories.

ayah:' i'm going to spend RM10,000 to get a kidney transplant in China.'

me:' buat apa?baik bagi hannah je 10 ribu ringgit tu.

that was me back when i was in form 3.i didn't get it why dad insisted on getting a kidney transplant in China.kenapa mesti China, my idea of China at that time was a non hygienic, and totally unsafe for anything related to medicine, or surgery whatsoever. so i didn't allow him to fact,i refused to go with him when he asked me to accompany him there.

my father was indeed sad after i told him that it's better to give me that 10 thousand ringgit than getting a transplant in China.and i didn't care less of my father's feeling. the rebel me care nothing but myself. everything has to be done MY way, I decide everything and everyone has to listen to me.

yesterday, i watched an episode of grey's anatomy. the episode where they had a major project of 6 kidney transplant surgeries in 1 time.
the episode was about a father willing to give 10 thousand dollars to his son for being a his donor. and for the money,the son said ok,he will do it,and he kept asking his father about 'when do i get to get the money?' 'is there really 10 thousand dollars,dad? because i wont do this if it's not about the money.'
while watching it,i cried, because it kind of reflect the 5 years back of me. where i did not allow my father to spend 10 thousand ringgits for a transplant in China. what a spoil, selfish , rude, non supportive daughter was i?

In the grey's anatomy episode, after the father suddenly received a seizure, and was informed he has not much time left, the son realized that he was rude toward his father, and he went to his father,crying apologizing.but i didn't get the chance to do that, i was too slow to realize what i did was actually wrong.

i should have been supportive, i should tell my father to go on with the surgery, i should give my kidney to my father. but no, i was too ego to do that.
the thought of..
'alah, takda apa2 punya tu..'

'there's still time'
'ayah will be fine,there's nothing to worry'
keeps running around my head.

i keep on thinking of the what ifs.
what if i didn't stop my father, would he be here with us now?
what if dad really did the transplant,would he be staying with us a little longer?

i did nothing but disappoint him.and regret is the only thing i love doing nowadays.

i wish that i had more time with my father, more time to say :'daddy,i am so sorry for making you sad,i am so sorry that there are few times, i screamed at you, i am so sorry for hurting you, i am so sorry for being such a rude daughter, i am so sorry,dad..soo sorry.'

but the chances of me saying so to my father has been taken away. yes, i regret that i didn't cherish him while he was alive but all i can do now is just praying that he'll be resting among those who ensured a place in heaven, and may God forgive his wrongdoings.

i pray to God that HE forgive all my sins toward my father as i didn't get the chance to hold his hands and say, 'ayah,hannah mintak ampun maaf zahir dan batin.'

it's been 2 and a half years daddy, i miss you.
to Arwah ayahanda Mohd Salleh Sahimi bin Mohamed, Al-FATIHAH.