the syndrome that's attacking the teenangers nowadays. i bet that everyone has someone close that is engaged.i am not here to say that i am against this thing, or neither am i supporting it.
from my point of view, engage in islam is something good. and Allah will give you pahala when you're engaged. but engagement doesn't mean that you have the ticket to go out with your fiance without being accompanied by you're mahram, it also doesn't mean that you can contact your fiance freely.
from a book (aku terima nikahnya) that my friend read to me, the author said that when he was engaged, he seldomly contact his fiance. he doesn't even know her birthday, and he rarely meet her. And that is the way an islamic engagement is about. Because,by engagement, it is still haram for a man and a woman to be together, or even think about his/her fiance.
engagement should be attended by the family members only.and everything is discussed among them,without the attendance of the lelaki,and the ceremony should be as subtle as possible.but nowadays, the lelaki himself came knocking the door and the engagement ceremony is one hell of a small wedding ceremony with the lelaki and perempuan sit together hoping for the blessing from the people who came.
and nowadays, those who are engaged, act as if they were married. they didn't meet but they do contact each other 24/7. and once they didn't call, they will miss each other, which is again, haram to miss anybody that is not halal to you.
the question is, IF the intention of getting engaged is something islamic, or some may say dating is haram but getting engaged is something you can get pahala with, but IF the action after the engagement is not that islamic afterall. what makes you different than those who are dating someone that is haram to him/her? MAYBE you didn't hold his/her hands but there's still those who are dating but prevent themselves from holding hands,right?hurm..
and the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) once said:
rahsiakan pertunangan, sebarkan perkahwinan.
it doesn't mean that you should deny if anybody ask you if you were engaged, but i think that it means that you should keep it silent,but if anybody came to you and ask you the question, tell him that 'yes, i am engaged.' but i don't think that you should tell him the name of your fiance, because the fiance is not the husband yet.and by engagement, it is not as if the fiance is 100% will be your husband.
i have a friend that is engaged, but when everybody asked her,she denied.then 3 months later,BOOM,came the news of her getting married. and once she's married,she said that she's been engaged for about 6 months prior the wedding.after hearing that, i kept thinking that is it ok to tell lies?oh tak berdosa la kalau menipu aku dah bertunang? these religious people are sometimes,WEIRD. and don't tell me that it's a white lie because i know there is no such thing as a white lie. secetek2 ilmu agama aku,aku tahu kewujudan tipu sunat itu ada atau sebaliknya.
But the Prophet did say that rahsiakan pertunangan,which means, you don't have to make the ceremony as large as your wedding,or should i say it as a pre-wedding?
so i am writing this for everyone to spare a while, and ponder. and those who are planning to engaged, think carefully. and ask yourself your intention of getting engaged, is it for Allah? if it is, then follow the halal-haram rules that Allah has set for you.
i am not writing this because i think that i am soo religious,
neither am i planning on getting engaged whatsoever,
i am writing this because i think i should let people know my thoughts regarding this,
and i hope that i will become as i wished for my engagement. InsyaAllah :)